My New Year’s Resolutions

# 1. Stay away from Facebook.

#2. From now on, never drink soda if it’s warm, as it may cause heartburn.

# 3. Exercise, but only when you like it, and never when it’s raining or when the sun’s up and is too hot; forcing yourself to do something you don’t like doing  can lead to low self-esteem.

#4. Live within your means if you can afford it, and if you can’t, remember that governments run into deficits all the time.

#5. You don’t have to feel guilty when you max out your credit card on book purchases from amazon; only feel sorry when the bill from the credit card company arrives. In any case, remember that civilizations are founded on books, and not on credit.

#6  Buy more pairs of shoes than you did last year; guys ought to enjoy every now and then what women do all the time.

#7 Say yes when friends ask you if they can set you up for a blind date, but tell them  it will be a Dutch treat, as you believe in the fundamental equality between man and woman.

#8 JOG MORE, FIND A GIRL WHO READS A LOT AND ISN’T INTIMIDATED BY YOU! MARRY HER  AND INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING  ( The girl who wrote this for me doesn’t seem to realize I can’t possibly do all of this in one year!)

#9 Go and have a shave and a hair cut today!

#10 Take all the preceding resolutions as a joke, except Resolution # 9.